Sunday, April 28, 2013

Soul ties.

Happy, happy Sunday friends!

I hope you've all had the best weekend ever! Mine has been great but right after I hit "publish" on this post, I'm going to tango with fundamentals for the better part of the night.
Almost there, almost.
Moving on from my pity party....
This week in my quiet time, I've been doing a mixture of Bible studies because I like the message of several different books. And I get so involved with two or three at a time that instead of finishing one and then moving on, I read multiple books each week. :)
I have posted lots of True Love Waits type posts on Facebook and Twitter before. Most of the time, I'll get several "Amen's" and "Preach" responses but then sometimes I'll get really hateful messages about them. There is really no point in this paragraph other than me acknowledging that not everyone will agree with me-and that's okay. But, instead of being mean and hateful, you have every right to unfollow, unfriend, etc.

This is not me judging anyone in this post! I have friends who live with their boyfriends/etc. This post is for people who choose not to or for people who just want to read this for reading's sake.

So, this week a topic that was heavily mentioned in multiple books I'm reading was "sex for the first time and the consequences." I do think that it is GOD speaking straight through these authors when several chapters from different books line up with the same overall message.

For me, the choice to not have sex before marriage has been-ironically-easy. I took a vow before my church and family and friends and promised to not have sex before marriage. I've never really even associated sex with relationships before marriage just because of the way I was raised. I wasn't raised to think sex was dirty, super fun, or a deadly sin, but that sex is to be respected and only for marriage. I guess that's why it's worked for me.
I'm not judging those that have had/will have sex before marriage but in my Bible and everything that I've studied, read and seen-- sex is never wrong after marriage. Before marriage, it just weaves a really complicated web and brings destruction.
One of my favorite Godly women to follow is Heather Lindsey. She is on FB, Instagram, etc and she is NOT afraid to call people out on anything. I love that. She is real and she gives amazing advice. As women, I think a lot of the time instead of opening the Bible, we're too busy reading Cosmo.
What I want to talk, or blog, about tonight is "soul ties." And, by Katelyn's definition, a soul tie is: an emotional, physical and spiritual bond with any person who you have sex with before marriage. It is impossible to forget someone you have sex with (unless you're drunk, high, etc.- and that's a whole other post). But, for the sake of this post, let's just talk about people who are in a committed relationship with someone and they are "playing house." Playing house is having all the benefits of marriage (sleeping together, living together) but with no rings on y'all's fingers. I mean, seriously, people who live this way- no wonder marriage isn't scared anymore.
More people are treating marriage like a Facebook status and think that they can erase the "married to" line as soon as things get hard. People-men and women alike- don't value marriage the way they use to or even the way God intended them to. Every time you have sex with someone who you are not married to, you create a tie to them for the rest of your life.
Yes, of course you can be forgiven but do you really ever forget? Everyone that I've spoken to resounds the same answer- no. Then, you feel guilty and dirty and worthless when a relationship ends. You don't feel whole. And that's because that person is walking out the door with a piece of your heart. And, unless you ask for forgiveness from God, you'll never get it back. And for girls who follow this pattern over and over with no forgiveness will end up with no heart left to give. It's a vicious cycle to break. It's hard to break once you start this destructive pattern.
So, my advice (not that it's super important) is to just wait to have sex until your married. It'll be worth the wait. God has someone picked out just for me that I know will have the same values and accept me the way I am. Leslie Ludy, another favorite author, said the following:
"God gives his best to those who leave the choice to him."
God has the BEST FOR YOU IN STORE. You have to give him the authority over your life to guide you to that person.

Don't ever run back to someone who stole something (ie:your purity, your virginity) from you. Yes, it takes two to tango, but God anoited men with the protective quality to look out for women. He isn't a man if he promises you forever with anything less than a ring and true feelings.
Sex before marriage is never a promise for a life together.
This is grounds for a bad relationship.
Yes, I know that tons of people have sex, get married and live forever and ever. And, I suppose that is great for them.
I don't want the question of "am I pregnant?" or "how many people has he been with?" to haunt me because I'm having sex before marriage. I want my relationship to be as godly and whole and wonderful as possible. And, to the 1 million-th degree, I believe that God will honor that in my relationship.
I'm 23 and single. But, I'm 23 and complete. I don't have half a heart. I have a complete heart. And so do you. And so does the man God has for you. A relationship is a bonus because we are already complete.

Don't waste your single years thinking that you are incomplete, dumb or worthless. The truth is, once you're married, you can still serve God, but you have a husband to serve as well. As a single, our sole responsibility is to serve God-with our actions, words, and hearts.

If you are so content in your relationship with God, you won't doubt his timing. Sure, it's okay to be discouraged and want a relationship but I promise I'd rather have moments of discouragement than a lifetime of worry from soul ties.
Maybe it's hard for you. Maybe you've already starting having meaningless or even meaningful (to you) sex. That's okay. You can always stop and ask for forgiveness and God doesn't remember that sin anymore. He is just waiting for you!

I hope this is encouraging for girls everywhere! If you ever need someone to pray with or talk to, I'm always here! Happy Sunday!



  1. I LOVE Heather Lindsey! I follow her on Twitter and have tuned into her and her husband's online sermons before. Such an inspirational woman!

    xoxo Miss ALK

  2. Your so right, So many people want to get married and waste their single years trying to find "The One". Also SO many young teens are having sex, 5 girls from my church have had a child. All of them under 18, 2 girls have dropped out of high school, One does not have custody of her daughter, and the last two are single mothers. It is shocking how many teens have sex.

    May the Lord be with this fallen world.