Saturday, June 1, 2013

the terrible, no good, rotten, unfortunate day(s).

Well, hey there Saturday. I thought you'd never get here.
It's no secret how gracefully uncoordinated clusmy I am if you've been my friend on facebook for any amount of time. I mean, I am magnetically wired to walk into doors, fall up/down stairs, run into displays at the mall, etc. etc. etc.
 
So, when the latest saga that we call my life went down yesterday, I had to laugh. I use to cry when all this crap happened, but then I decided to turn it into a super fun blog post.
 
It all started in 1990, at the age of 14 months old. I tripped over AIR in the playroom and BROKE MY LEG.
 
Katelyn-0 Life-1
 
I'm probably the coolest first grader, ever. I lost three teeth in ONE week. Baller status, yes? I'm showing off my ten dollars on top of the monkey bars when I fall backwards and RIP my LIMITED TOO shorts. In front of everyone. And, then, the teacher makes a boy take his coat off so I can tie it around my waist. Thanks, Eli.
 
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Fast forward to fourth grade. Two major disasters. One was the new boy in class getting everyone to call me four eyes when I got glasses. Rude boy. Second major disaster- We had just finished a grueling game of dodge ball (that I won, I must add! This girl USED to be super sporty) and we were having restroom time. Well, my bladder, to this day, is exactly the size of a 4 month old's, so I pee often. I jumped to the front of the line to go. I get in the stall, do my thing and notice that there's NO TOLIET PAPER. No problem, right? It was one of those dispensers that had an extra roll and you just have to slide it over. You know, one of these?
 
 
Well, I didn't know that you could just slide that little bar over, so I did what any genius would do. I stuck my hand up and over the separater to get the goods. Not so fast. My hand gets STUCK while I'm sitting on the TOLIET!!!!! Awesome. I shimmy my pants up and begged the neighbor in the next stall to go get help. Does she? No. Finally, the teacher comes in there looking for me. She makes one of my friends climb under the stall to unlock it since I can't even reach to do that. My teacher tries to help. The janitor tries to help. And, alas, the Principal tries to help. No luck. So, who do they call? THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, y'all. Little 9 year old Katelyn has to be CUT out of the toliet paper dispenser by FIREMEN who find it all hilarious. So, I'm crying when it's all over and I have to go to the office so they can call my momma to come get me. I'm crying when she gets there so she thinks I'm in trouble. Nope. No trouble. Just challenged.

Katelyn-0 Life-3
 
 
It's now sophomore year and I'm thinking I'm somewhat cool because I just made the SGA team. Whoo hoo. Whoo noooo. Me and the bathroom. Round two. Only this time, it was the lock that traps me. Twenty minutes later, I'm rescued. I did miss that Biology test, though.




Katelyn-0 Life-4
 
Freshmen year of college rolls around and my fate continues to go downhill. I'd just had the best night, ever. I accepted my bid to join the best sorority ever (aka Phi Mu) and I'm sleeping on cloud 9. Cloud 9, that is, until the HD TV hanging above my bed decides to give way IN THE MIDDLE of the night!!! Woo hoo! Concussion? Check. Looking like an idiot walking by the super hot RA walking out to the hospital? Check.
 
Katelyn-o Life-5
 
Freshmen year, round two. I'm working at a super fun church after school program five exits down from Huntingdon in Montgomery. I didn't really have a strict schedule. I just got there after class. Expect this one day that they asked me to come in early so the other teacher could go to a doctor appointment. No problem? Negative. First, I get a speeding ticket from the MEANEST trooper ever totally hiding out. I didn't realize that construction zone speed limits applied even when workers weren't there. You didn't know that, either? Great. To top it off, Montgomery has camera enforced traffic lights. And I ran exactly one stoplight in my time in Montgomery, which resulted in a 75 dollar fine. Two tickets. One day. That poor girl missed her doctor appointment.

Katelyn-0 Life-6
 
What's up with sophomore years, huh? This time, I'm minding my own business just walking along the jacked up brick walk ways at Montevallo going from one class to another. I wait my turn at the cross walk to be run into by what? The security guard on the golf cart that must be BLIND. I couldn't walk for days, had a bruise the size of a watermelon, had to wear a brace. Like, the whole 9 yards. For real.
 
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The most recent saga. Yesterday. I'm being a super responsible student and am taking summer classes. That's so fun, right? Wrong. Our lovely anatomy teacher decides she's going out of town and leaves us with a 3 hour open lab. Scratch that, I'm staying an hour-TOPS. I know a lot of y'all might read this and say "That's why I take the stairs!!!" More power to you. Yesterday, I totally didn't feel the 8 flight stair case in front of me. So, I went the logical route and took the elevator. WRONG. It all started out so lovely. Fourth floor, third floor, secon---hold up. It starts making all these blinging and blanging (are those words?) sounds and STOPS. So, I read one time that if you are falling in an elevator, if you jump right before it hits the bottom, you can save yourself. So, I'm all braced to jump so I don't die. When, it just stops moving. I pushed the help button (which should be called the PANIC button). A nice lady helps and says that the janitor isn't there on Fridays (how do they have a day off??) and that the fire department is being dispatched. DE JA VU!!! Not again. Oh, yes. Again. So, I decide to sit and tweet for a while. 24 minutes later, the firemen rescue me.
 
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In the midst of all this, though, I realize I have the most perfect parents and siblings, I've tapped Luke Bryan's butt twice and I met all of you, and I realize....
 
Katelyn-1,000,000 Life-8
 
I win. For now.


 
 
 


3 comments :

  1. Aww ,You poor thing! I broke an IV machine last year, I got a really bad sunburn and got sun poison, So I was given some IV's and after 2 Iv's I had to pee like really bad. So the male nurse(who was super cute) told me to press a button on it to stop the IV when I had to use the restroom. Well I being sick/foggy headed pushed the wrong button and the machine starts going crazy and I had to have another IV machine to give me my other IVs.

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  2. I can not imagine getting stuck in an elevator!!! It is one of my worst fears! Glad you got out OK, and survived all the other things life has thrown at you!

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  3. this is awful. so sorry so many crazy things have happened.

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