Thursday, October 24, 2013

I've been lying.

So since I've been super vulnerable this week, why not continue the theme today, right?

Well, here it goes. I'm living someone's else's dream. That's right. It may be weird to read that line but read it a couple of times if you have to.

I'm not suppose to be a nurse. I mean, I can be. I'm a good one.  I love people and I love helping. But, what has been clouding my mind for the past 10 months is my belief that the only way I can help people is by being a nurse. That's wrong. And it's slowly been sucking the joy out of me every single day I walk into the classroom. Which, if you've been a reader here for any length of time, you know how much I hate it. I love the patients and I love the knowledge but nursing isn't for me.

I think my first mistake was going straight to nursing school after obtaining my bachelors in consumer sciences. Oh, let's go to nursing school now! That'll be fun. And I prayed about it, yes. I asked everyone to pray about it. I prayed that God would lead me to my dream job. And in an odd way, he is leading me there right now.

See, he's been answering my prayer all along by revealing to me that nursing isn't for me. Have you ever done something or saw something that you kept to yourself until it literally made you sick? That's been my life for the past two months. I don't want to be a nurse because I'm not passionate about it. I love it and it's an amazing field but it's not my passion. And while I'm not sure who's dream I'm trying to live, it's not mine.

What's more frustrating is that I'm actually doing well in nursing school. I'm passing and I still hate it. I'll read 230 pages of information and all I can think about if how they could've designed the layout of the book better. I drive by stores and think about how much better a display would look than the one they currently have. I look at public people and wonder if they need someone to simply answer their emails. I'm driven by helping people. But I could help people in advertising and marketing just as much as I could help people in a hospital bed.

I'm at a point where I can feel it almost being an overwhelming feeling of disobedience to God if I stay in nursing school. I wonder what opportunities I've already missed by trying to live this other dream.

I really don't care who you are but if your life is defined by how much money is in your bank account, you have no joy. And I mean that. Money doesn't make you successful. Joy makes you successful. I've felt like I need to be a nurse to make a "good living" and I've ended up making myself miserable in the process. More education doesn't mean more money. My dad's family are all self made millionaires and they didn't go to college. Of course, there's been plenty of tough months and years but he's doing what he loves.

I want to do what I love.

I'm 23. I'm not 40. I still feel like I'm young enough to "change" careers. I love marketing. I love social media. I love traveling and organizing and managing and detailing and planning. This is where I'm asking y'all to pray for me! I have a degree and skills and a passion to help people in these categories. So, instead of continuing with nursing school, I'm deciding to live my dream.

I know I've been referring to Nashville a lot lately but when we were there last week, it just felt like everyone there was living their dream. From the up and coming country singers at the bar to the waitresses at blue bird cafe, I just felt passion. I want passion again. Going to Nashville gave me the boost I needed to chase my dream. For the first time, my happiness is first. I don't feel like I owe any explanation or any justification. I deserve to be happy. And you do, too.

At the end of life, you're not answering to your family or friends for the way you lived your life. You'll answer to God. Why not team up with him and live your dreams. No cliche sayings. Pray, seek and live your dream.

My dream and passion and love is in God's hands. It scary and terrifying but it also makes me so excited my heart is skipping some beats. So, my prayer for you is to follow your dreams. Don't be scared of what others think. Be scared of what you think. And I'm asking for prayer that God will deliver me the dream job! I'm ready to dream and help and love and live! I'm not going to settle. I'm going to follow my dreams.

:)

6 comments :

  1. I pray for God to give you the desire of your heart. It is absolutely possible. ..He created you and knows your talents and
    passions. He has given me my dream job, not just once, but twine in my lifetime (so far)! I will be excited to see where He takes you!

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  2. Good luck with figuring out what you want to be when you " grow up". Hope your new career is exciting and passionate for you!

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  3. Good for you! I absolutely love where you said, "Don't be scared of what others think. Be scared of what you think." Girl, that is profound!

    I'll be praying, & can't wait to see where your dreams & passions lead you.

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  4. You go girl! I have decided, I actually decided a long time ago, that I will NEVER "grow-up". I want to forever remain a kid at heart. I love how you said "Money doesn't make you successful. Joy makes you successful." I can relate to almost everything you have said! I finished my undergrad classes with a degree in Business Management. I thought long and hard about whether or not I wanted to go right into Master's classes. I finally decided to just get them done, I didn't know if I would actually go back down the road. So now, 2008, I am done with school. I have only worked one "job" in my life for my parents business (Garden Center, Landscape Company) and I never knew any other way. I thought about going off and finding a "new" job with my new degree. But with more responsibilities being handed to me, I realized that I really did love what I was already doing. (it doesn't hurt that I spend everyday at work with my Mom, Dad, and HUSBAND... haha... some days that is not my favorite thing. LOL). I get to do a little bit of everything in my day-to-day; scheduling, secretary, hiring, training, landscape designing, marketing, advertising, social media, event planning, fundraising...I get to do it all. And on the days that I really, REALLY need an escape or am just over all the drama, I remember what I get to do. Each year we host a few fundraisers, but my favorite is our "Pink Days". We raise money for Breast Cancer Awareness and it all turns into a huge party! It takes me almost a year to plan everything, but it is so worth it! check it out! (https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10152871585105075.1073741831.457008370074&type=3)

    So, just remember when searching for your new love, not every day will be perfect. Even your dream job will have its scary, hard, draining, dramatic, emotional days, but in the end, if you really love it, it is worth it! Good luck! <3

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  5. Katelyn, im so moved by your post. Most girls your age are so far from seeing life this way. Your post totally resounds with me and im way past 23! It's never too late to follow your dreams. I just spoke on this at a deal last night. God put those dreams in us! He gives those "desires of our heart". I promote you to all the girls in our ministry because I want them to have the freedom you do at an early age! I didnt meet Jesus till after 30. But hey! Im pursueing my/his dreams now! :) And thats what matters, right!?! Love you and love your tenacity to rep how fun real life with Jesus is! Keep going! Im praying for you to land that dream job....:)

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  6. I often get that "gut" intuition. You are going to be so helpful to so many people. I am so happy you are following your "gut" feeling. You are going to shine in so many ways. I see you in Nashville, having the time of your life. Experiencing things people only dream of...all because they didn't follow their gut feeling!

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