Friday, November 22, 2013

collab with THE payton sumrall: answering your questions

well, it's friday.
 we made it. :)
 
Today is probably my most favorite post I'll ever post (I mean, besides Luke Bryan posts, of course). This is where you all need to say hey to Payton Sumrall, if you haven't already.

Payton is the author behind "Yeah, I'm a Writer." He is currently writing an extremely awesome novel so make sure you read it after you read our post. Payton's brothers and my brother play football together at Kingwood. Payton and I are the loud ones who like to yell at the games. Besides that, Payton is an AMAZING writer and one of the best guys I know. When I was approached about doing a guys/girls perspective to some relationship questions, Payton was the first person that came to mind. After you read his answers, you'll see why.
 
Payton and I don't agree 100% on every question. And, I think that this is going to help twice as many people because of it. Payton is a good thinker and an incredible communicator. He can articulate his answers in a way that few others can. Make sure you check out his post, too! :)
 
 I posted on Twitter and over 30 of y'all sent in questions. We wrote them all down and picked ten to answer. Payton and I are answering the same questions with different perspectives and with slightly different beliefs.
 
Here we go!
 
"1. How should I handle jealously in my relationship? I get extremely jealous around his ex when I see her out in public."
 
First off, look beside you. He's with you right now and not her. That's a good start. Beyond that, my dad use to explain jealously with a clever definition. He said it was a mixture of anger and fear. Why are you jealous? Probably a little bit because you're angry that he was with her and that it still bothers you even though you're with him now. And, probably a little bit of fear that he still has feelings for her. STOP THAT. You're enough. You have to be able to communicate effectively with your partner. You shouldn't hide your feelings from them, good or bad, because it harbors jealously.
 
"2. All of my friends are in relationships and I get so bummed out because I'm always doing stuff alone. How can you be satisfied and single?"

 I write a lot about being satisfied and single so I won't hammer this one in the ground too hard BUT you have to be okay with being single. Being single is the time in your life that you can work on being the best you that you can be. It's also the best time to just have fun. There are a lot of things that you can do and experience while you're single that you can't when you're in a relationship. Being single isn't a curse, it's a blessing sometimes. It's natural to want to be in a relationship but being in the wrong relationship can be more lonely than being single. You have to fall in love with yourself, essentially. You can't look for your validation in a man so if you're miserable single, you're probably not going to be 100% satisfied in a relationship.
 
"3. What are your thoughts on moving in before you're married?"

I don't plan on moving in before I'm married. I don't think you're "evil" if you do but I don't see any reason in it, either. This goes into the next question but what other reason besides sex are you really wanting to move in? I think that a lot of times, the girl or guy is tired of living at home or some other excuse so they move in together. Moving in is a HUGE step and if you're doing it just to get out of momma's house, that's the wrong reason. Several of y'all have told me that you support it because you want to know how clean, etc. he is. But, honestly, if you're dating someone, you should know if they're messy or not. Moving in together to make sure he does his laundry isn't a legitimate excuse to, in my opinion.
 
"4. What is your opinion on sex before marriage?"

 Well, if this question isn't just my favorite. Ha. There's no other answer that is as basic as no. No, no, no. Never. Not in my opinion. I'm 23 and I'm a virgin. I know, I'm not a Victoria Secret model and no, boys aren't banging on my door to have sex so this one is probably not as hard for me to stand behind. And, I'm probably the most outspoken person about 'no sex before marriage' that honestly, only one guy has even proposed that idea, so there's that. I could link you to almost every blog post because that's what I harp about. But, I'll explain. Sex is by far the most intimate thing that you could ever participate in. And, when done appropriately, it'll be amazing when the day comes. I mean, how cool will it be to be able to give your husband your purity and not have to have flashbacks or thoughts of other guys I've been with? Being a virgin is the number one thing I get ridiculed about but it's also my biggest platform and something that I'll never be ashamed of. I feel like the man I'll marry will respect me enough (regardless of hormones or emotions) to respect my purity until we're married. I feel like so many people can't control their emotions how enough to keep their clothes on. If you're ready for sex, you're ready for the consequences. You can't just JUST have sex. There's a lot behind it. There are a lot of emotions involved. There are a lot of things that could happen. You could end up pregnant or you can get a disease that changes the course of your life. If you're aren't ready to be a parent, don't have sex.
 
"5. I really like this girl that my friend dated for about a year. Is there really rules associated with friends dating exes? Opinions?

I personally don't think that there are "rules" for this one. I think that, obviously, this is a situational question. If you're 14 and 15, that's different than if y'all were living together and 25. Basically, though, you should talk to your friend. Make sure that there are no feelings left there. Even if they do still have feelings and you REALLY want to date this person, you'll have to decide for yourself what to choose-relationship or friendship. But, like Payton said, if it's true love, they won't be mad at you.

"6. What are your thoughts about kissing on the first date?"

I don't personally ever kiss on a first date. I think that there should be SO much more than happens on a first date than a kiss. If I can't get a second date based on our conversation and connection-mentally and emotionally- I don't want to earn a second date by a physical connection. I am the type to take things slow in a relationship so I'd probably be too guarded on a first date anyways.

"7. Do you think that you can only have one soul mate?"
This is the question Payton and I discussed for the longest amount of time. I automatically said no in the beginning to this question but I feel like if I just said "no," it may be a little misleading. So, let me explain. I don't know if I even believe in the term "soul mate." I've used my analogy of how you're a complete heart and your partner has a complete heart. You compliment each other. You don't complete each other. The first person you date may not be who you marry, and that's okay. They'll be a part of the story that leads you to the person you do marry and that person will be who you are suppose to be with. I'm a big believer of "everything happens for a reason." So, if you have to go through some bad relationship(s) to get to your "soulmate," then that's just part of your story.

"8. I'm having a hard time balancing time with my friends and my boyfriend. Do you have any advice on how to balance?"

 I have four siblings that are my best friends so I have to balance my time with friends and a boyfriend. I feel like if you're so stressed about splitting your time that it may be because your friends and boyfriend don't get along? That's a whole other question BUT if you need to, just plan better. You could spend Friday with your friends and Saturday with your boyfriend. Ideally, everyone will get along and y'all should all hang out together. Include your friends and boyfriend in as much as possible together.

"9. I met this guy on twitter a few months ago. We've exchanged numbers but never met. He's super sweet to me in text messages and such but on twitter he is really vulgar. I don't know why or if he's putting up a front? Why is he acting so different on twitter vs texting me?"

 When we were talking about these questions, Payton hit this one out of the park so I totally agree with what he says. In addition, maybe he's showing off a little. He might feel like he's got something to prove so he's vulgar around the people don't matter as much. But, he obviously is being sweet to you for a reason. I wouldn't like it if a guy was doing that with me so I'd probably just straight ask him what the deal was. Remember, communicate? How serious is it? If this is a guy that lives in your hometown and you've "heard of" him is different than someone who lives 8 states away sitting behind a computer screen cat-fishing you. Be careful. I tend to be overly cautious of online relationships of any type anyways. If at any point you feel uncomfortable with anything, stop it before it goes too far.

"10. Do guys really like girls that are intelligent? I'm extremely smart but I feel like all the idiots are the ones in boyfriends."

 Again, I feel like Payton answers this one extremely well because he's, well, a guy. Ha. But, look at the "idiots" with boyfriends. What kind of men are these guys? If you are extremely smart, start looking for those type of guys. It's hard to get connected with a "super intelligent" guy that you see at a bar while he's drunk out of his mind. On one hand, I'll congratulate anyone who doesn't settle for a man just to be in a relationship. It may be a little intimidating for a guy to approach someone who everyone knows is extremely intelligent. But, own it. Don't dumb yourself down just to be in a relationship. This question relates back to number 4. Don't settle.

_____________________________________

Okay, so like I mentioned earlier, you HAVE to go read Payton's answers because they're brilliant. If y'all have any more questions, we are no experts, but send them our way. My contact info is under the "contact" tab here on my blog. Payton's email address is psumrall22@hotmail.com.

It was a pleasure to write with Payton! I'm sure y'all will be seeing more of him on here but make SURE you follow his blog and follow him on twitter here. Happy Friday! :)

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