Saturday, January 3, 2015

better.

2015.
Three days in.
 
Facebook, IG and Twitter are all flooded with firework pictures, kissing pictures and novel like statuses of what we are going to do different because it's a new year. It's "page 1 of 365 page novel." True. It is. More so than a new "novel," though, it's more a new "chapter."
 
I must say that my chapter "2015" started off as probably the most adventurous chapter of my novel so far. Exploring NYC with one of my best friends was simply magical. There was millions of people in the same city with me. Taking in the New York skyline with all the lights and buildings and people it was really easy to feel the size of an ant. And, among all those people, they all have dreams. Some are living them, some are chasing them and some are still figuring them out. They have dreams.
 
As far as 2014 goes, my life was a dream. I met so many new friends and saw so many places. I fell in love with life and I fell in love with God more so this year than any other year of my life. A passion for country music was fueled in big ways this year. I've been able to see several artists absolutely take over the country music scene. I've seen opry debuts, album release parties and homecoming shows. I've seen friends release their first singles. I've met artists that are living their dream.
 
It's a fire type of ambition to be around people who are living their dreams. Musicians, teachers, doctors, mothers---all types of people I've met this year chasing their dream.
 
I was/still am one of the people I mentioned above. I have a solid grasp on what my dream is even though it took me a while to find that dream. I feel like I took 3,000 steps forward many times this year. But, on the flip side, I'm still in Montevallo tonight. I'm not living in a high rise condo on Broadway in Nashville representing breakout artists like I wanted to be by now. I'm working everyday to make my dream a reality. I want to succeed. I want to be good at introducing people to new artists. I want to help others dreams come true, too.
 
I want to be an encourager. I was thinking on the plane back from NYC on Thursday about the steps I can take to make my "dream" a reality. I thought to myself, "hmm, I'm doing pretty good. I'm good enough where I am in this moment right now." And, I know it was the Lord speaking straight through someone else this morning because someone said the exact same thing to me--that they thought they were good enough. And, when he said that, a light bulb moment happened in my mind.
I don't want to be good enough.
 
I want to be better. If I attain one dream, I want to have five more lined up behind that one to move onto. I don't want to settle. I don't want to be complacent.
 
I try my best to read my Bible and spend time with God each day. But, I'll be honest that some days I'll read my Bible simply to check it off my list. I've gotten comfortable with a "to do list." I've gotten comfortable with a "schedule." What have I been missing by settling. I read part of Corinthians tonight because I wanted to. Chapter 13 about what love is. I want to be better.
I want to be kinder. I never respond to people who comment hateful things to be on social media. I never, EVER reply to hateful emails. But, sometimes, I do talk about the people who write mean things to me. Instead of praying, sometimes I gossip. I don't want to do that anymore. I want to be better.
 
I want to have more patience. Instead of complaining about a train or a delay of any sort, I can use those still moments to thank God for another day. I was busy in 2014. Extremely busy. But, I did have slow days. And, looking back, I didn't use my time as efficiently as I should've or could've. I want to be better than that.
 
I want to be more content with relationships--all kinds. Romantic ones, friendships, business ones. I honestly try to give 100%. But, in 2015, I want to give 110%. Sometimes I half way listen to friend's problems or concerns. I'm not the "best" friend that I could be. I want to value these people and give that extra 10%.
 
I want to be more accepting of myself as a person. Like mentioned above, I've received emails from people stating my nose is too big, that I'm ugly, that no one will ever love me, etc. etc. etc. I don't want to believe those things anymore. I've got a pretty good idea of who I am and I know what the Lord thinks of me. Still, it's SO much easier to look in the mirror and see "ugly" written all over instead of "worthy, redeemed, lovely." I want to love myself better.
 
This is just where I'm at right now. Honesty is something I preach all the time. I need to be honest. I want to dream bigger. I want to be more patient, more forgiving, more understanding. Whatever I already am, I want to be more of that.
 
I'm thankful that I have a relationship with God and that he loves me despite my flaws. He still wants to talk to me even when I haven't given him the time that I should. God loves me even when the earth rejects me. I want to be better--for God. I want people to look at me and see God. I don't want to be judgmental. I don't want to give people a reason to have a negative view of me.
 
If you have a dream, whatever it is, I want to pray for you to reach that dream. I am committed to making 2015 the year I became better. A better friend, sister, daughter, coworker, etc. If someone doesn't believe in your dream, please know that I will. And that God believes in you, too. He believes in you so much.
 
I vow to be better in 2015. I vow to be more. :)