Thursday, June 11, 2015

this is my story.

this is my story. this is my song.
praising my Savior all the day long.
this is my story. this is my song.
Goodness, it feels good to have my fingers touching these keys after so many days of being away. Writing has always been one of my very favorite past times in life. I was the nerd in school who never wanted page limits because if you asked for ten pages on WW2 then I could give you twenty pages, easily.
I've always been intrigued by people--by their backgrounds, their families, their friends, their faith and their passions. I think this is the main reason my heart beats so fast for music--especially country music. The genre has led me to SO many new adventures, new friends, new relationships and new experiences. I am forever grateful and thankful that the Lord has allowed me to live my life the way I have so far. I'm embarking on a new journey in two weeks for a few months and just feel compelled to write. If this is nothing more than a reference post for me to read at the end of this journey and compare my words, then so be it.

I've loved the Lord for as long as I can remember. My parents are the closest thing to Jesus on earth I'll ever meet. I was saved when I was five. I've known right from wrong from an early age and never had to turn to those temptations in life. I've always known that the Lord belongs at the top of the list in life. And, He always has. I just want to live my life so much "louder" for the Lord.
I try my best to live a life that brings glory to the Lord. I try to use my words and allow my actions to point to the Lord but I'm human and I fail miserably a lot. I want to seek the Lord and his plan for my life first. It's SO easy to pray so much and start to believe maybe "our" idea of God's plan is actually ours. I know because I honestly believe I did this. I had a move to Nashville planned and planned out. Circumstances that are way too complicated to ever try to explain in a blog post occurred and I was left with no option but to not move. I was so frustrated. I cried, a lot. I was mad at my family and I was really mad at the Lord. That's such a dangerous place to be. I didn't want anything to do with anyone for a few days. Then, one night it's like the light switch just flipped. I remember just praying and saying "God, I want to GO. I want to go to Nashville and work in this industry and meet all these amazing musicians and help them out and still keep you number one." And for whatever reason, God gently told me-- "then GO. But, before you go try to stand out in a town that needs you, I need you to go center yourself, work on yourself, so you can be the best Katelyn you can be."

As real as the tears on my face right now of joy are falling, I know beyond a shadow of doubt that going to Hawaii for three months will be the best thing I could've ever decided to do. As scared as I am and as uncertain as I am, He is making me brave. I want to be more than a "good girl, nice girl, type A girl, preacher's daughter" type of girl. I want to be seen as the girl that literally gave up everything to be more like Jesus. I want to help the people who don't even know they need help. I want to spend my days learning about the grace and love and protection of God so I can go spend my nights loving on and witnessing to the people of this world.
We live in such a fallen and broken and just sad world. There is so much alcohol and drugs and sex and abuse and evil that it scares me to wake up some days. Some days I think, well kids aren't for me because I'm too afraid of school shootings or car wrecks or kidnappers. I'm scared that I'm going to be forever alone. I'm scared I'm not good enough for my parents and friends and peers. I'm scared that I let too many people down. I have all of these fears. And, it's something that will always be there. But, I've been seeking and praying and learning about the Lord. He is for us. He is a good God. He wants us to know we are good enough.
He makes us brave. I don't want to wade in the shallow waters of life. I want to be in over my head in the deepest waters so my only choice is to depend on God and let his name be seen and heard over anything that I may do. And that's what He does. He calls us from the shore to the waves. I want people to experience the overwhelming and all consuming love for God that I've been brought back to in the past few months. Disappointment and discontentment led me to a valley of life that I don't want to visit again.
I'm in the best place I've ever been in--emotionally, spiritually, etc. So, the next few months of my "story" will be spent in Kona, Hawaii. I'll be serving with a ministry called Youth with a Mission. It's going to be an amazing time and if for whatever reason you're reading this--I'm going to ask you for prayers. I'm so grateful my work and family and everything has allowed me these few months to go work on being a better person--for the Lord, for my friends and family and for me. I want people to have the courage and strength to know that the truest form of love isn't found in a spouse or best friend--it's found in the Lord.

I want to fulfill every commandment Jesus left us. I want to GO. I am GOING. I found my life when I laid it down. If you need prayer for anything you may be going through, I'd love to play a part of your story and pray for you, too.
Please always remember that Jesus is holding you. Don't fight those hands. They are the most perfect place you could rest.
Thank you for taking some time to read a part of my story.