Sunday, September 27, 2015

say the word.

Happy Sunday friends :)

Thank you for being patient while I (try to) settle back into a routine after moving back from the absolute best three months of my life in Hawaii. I would need way more than one blog post to really dig into and discuss everything I learned but I'm going to hone in on a few topics that really changed my heart.

First off, thank you to EVERY single person that prayed for me while I was there. I could definitely feel them and they worked!! The Lord is so good and He is so faithful. I'll never be able to say thank you enough for everything everyone did for me to be able to go experience this summer.

I'm going to be honest. I didn't have a high expectation of Hawaii when I left. Sure, I was definitely going to serve and because I wanted my relationship with God to be strengthened but I wasn't sent there to overcome an addiction or because I was in trouble like some people were. I accepted Christ as my Savior when I was 5--and I never looked back. I've never smoked or got drunk or attended raging parties. I was always at church, I led Bible studies and I was even teased and left friendless my senior year because I didn't want to participate in the promiscuity that some of my "friends" were participating in. I had a similar experience in college with clashing of beliefs and was left at square one again. My entire life, though, I just always ran to Jesus instead of other worldly things. And that's basically my testimony. I never needed the worldly stuff. I had Jesus. And, yes, I loved Him and I prayed and studied my Bible. What I realized in Hawaii though is that we allow ourselves to get close to God on different levels and I was barely scratching the surface.

The number one thing I took away from my time in Hawaii was learning to trust God. And when I mean trust God, I mean pulling back 19 more layers of myself and really being vulnerable with God and letting Him really work on me. I've never TRULY had to trust the Lord a lot in my life. I've always had an easy life. My parents are the most Godly individuals I will ever meet and they've provided above and beyond what any child would ever need in life. I am SO thankful for that but I learned that I was a little selfish in that aspect because I've never had to trust God. I was in such a bubble that I thought I was doing enough for the Lord--but I wasn't.

See, I thought 'wow ok I'm a good girl. I'm a good Christian. I don't really NEED Jesus." That's straight from the enemy. Even if I'm a good person, I will always NEED Jesus. In all reality I don't need anything but Jesus.

I also learned to really take TIME to be with the Lord. I never felt an overwhelming response from the Lord when I prayed. I always pray for Him to reveal His plan for my life, to forgive me of my sins, and for XYZ to happen in my life. I was almost praying that the plan I wanted for my life to somehow magically be what the Lord wanted to be the plan for my life. And, honestly, I was tired of praying because He wasn't answering. But, oh goodness He WAS answering my prayers. Looking back now He always protected me from making hasty and dumb decisions. He closed the doors at just the right time. He allowed opportunities to pass by me and He also allowed opportunities for me to grab hold of. I was sitting in on a class one day with a discipleship training school called awaken and the speaker said something that gave me chill bumps (which is like extremely hard because no where in Hawaii was there AC and I mean, you sweat a LOT, haha).

He said, "The Lord never wastes time."

And there I was sitting in a tent, 5,000 miles away from home to live in Hawaii for a summer wondering why the Nashville dream or the nursing dream or all these other dreams hadn't come true. And that sentence echoed in my head all day. But, Katelyn, the Lord NEVER wastes time. The Lord had protected me from all those dreams coming true because there was, there IS, a true calling on my life. I was praying one night and I don't know why but I couldn't fall asleep that night. Like not even for 5 minutes. I kept getting woken up by different things. The next night I was reading in a book and for whatever reason, "Awaken" was in the back of my mind. It's not an uncommon word. I've heard it many times. I knew that there was a school there called Awaken but I hadn't ever considered moving back to Hawaii to partake in the school. I was headstrong on the path to be the Nashville missionary. And, not that there is anything wrong with wanting to go to Nashville to work in music and be a light there. There's nothing sinful about that. But, it's not where the Lord has called me for this season--maybe He never will. I'm still working on that part of all this. I told God, ok say the word. If being a full time missionary or coming back here in three months is what you want, please open every door and please say the word. Tell me that's what you want. And He did.

I met so many amazing people in Hawaii. All of the missionaries there do not make a penny to be there. They rely on support from family and friends. They live in small dorm like houses and they have no AC and a lot of them don't have a lot of material possessions, either. And, they are the happiest and the most joyful people I've ever met. And, that's it. You can gain the entire world and all the money you can imagine and if you don't have a relationship with God, if you aren't pursuing God--you're still going to be miserable.

I applied to the Awaken Discipleship Training Sch0ol and was accepted. It's a 6 month intense training program. I will live in Kona again for three months for lecture phase and then I will move to an outreach location (such as Nepal, Brazil, Korea, etc.) for three more months. It's an incredible opportunity that the Lord has placed on my heart and I am SO excited to move back and be a part of University of the Nations. I've learned to really listen to the voice of God. I've learned to pray for Him to reveal HIS plan for my life. I want every day of my life to be a continual journey with Him. I don't want to be complacent in my life. If that means I'll spend the rest of my life in different countries telling people about Him--that is great! I'm done just trying to be a good person. I want my relationship with the Lord to shine so much brighter than anything else in my life. I want to love God so radically that when people look at me all they see is Jesus.

I think sometimes we play small because we think that there's no way that God would chose us. That's an insult to God to believe that, friends, because He died for us. He died so we can have a relationship with Him and spend eternity with Him. That's the greatest news you could ever hear.

We have to get rid of the idols in our life. We have to get sensitive about where we go, what we are listening to, who we are friends with, etc. You cannot half way live for Jesus. He didn't half way die for us. I never want to be the Christian that says one thing and does another. When you are truly in love with the Lord this whole concept is a lot easier to understand because when you are in love with someone, you don't want to hurt them. It's the same way with God. He's enough. He's always going to be enough. He's always been enough.

Life is fun. There is so many things and people and places that makes us happy. But, don't confuse joy and happiness. There is SO much more fulfillment when you experience the joy of God. The DTS I'm attending in January is expensive. And it's SIX months away from my family. It's scary. It's not easy. But, I have so much trust that the Lord will provide. I've got so much joy because I know that is what He is calling me to do. I don't want to play small anymore. I don't want to be safe in my relationship with the Lord. I want to be consistently pursuing Him. I want Him to trust me with sharing His love with others.

So, a few things. If you need prayer (as always!!) please email me!! I always pray for every single request I get from y'all. And second, will you pray for me? I need lots of peace about this new and exciting venture I'm about to go on. I will need to work SO much in the next few months and fundraise like crazy to be able to attend the school and outreach. And, lastly, it's my prayer that you will experience TRUE trust and joy in the Lord and that you will continually pursue Him and His heart for you. It's an honor and a joy to lay my life down for the Lord and I'm so so very excited for the next journey of life. :)

1 comment :

  1. So very well said Katelyn. I could see God touching your heart this summer. You are an amazing young woman. I know God has great plans for you. My biggest blessing this summer was getting to know you. I will be praying for God to meet your every need.

    Sending you blessings and love,