Saturday, November 14, 2015

I'm ready.

"But how can people call for help if they don’t know who to trust? And how can they know who to trust if they haven’t heard of the One who can be trusted? And how can they hear if nobody tells them? And how is anyone going to tell them, unless someone is sent to do it? That’s why Scripture exclaims, A sight to take your breath away! Grand processions of people telling all the good things of God!

But not everybody is ready for this, ready to see and hear and act. Isaiah asked what we all ask at one time or another: “Does anyone care, God? Is anyone listening and believing a word of it?” The point is: Before you trust, you have to listen. But unless Christ’s Word is preached, there’s nothing to listen to."

-Romans 10:14-17

...Not everybody is ready for this. It's my prayer that each of you reading this post had a wonderful week full of God's grace and that you experienced the love of Jesus each day this week. I know that it's hard sometimes to feel like Jesus is there with us, especially on a bad day, B U T if there is one thing that I've learned over the past seven days, it's that those are the very days he is the closest.

I don't want to preach one thing in these blog posts and live a different way. I want to be so transparent because I want Jesus to continually come and make me new and make me better. I don't want to pretend to have a perfect life or to have everything figured out because I do not have a perfect life or everything figured out. I am beyond grateful for the wonderful experiences and family and friends that I do have and I'm honestly so content with life but that doesn't mean that they are never bad days. Case in point: Tuesday.

This will be slightly funny to some reading this because normal Tuesday's are like my anthem days. I love Tuesdays. Tuesday is the forgotten day of the week. So, I have tried in the past year or so to make everyone love Tuesdays, too. I know God has a sense of humor because lately Tuesdays have been out of this world--filled with good emails, fun opportunities and cookie days at work. But last Tuesday was hard.

I love working at my new job since moving home from Hawaii. And, I get to work with my sister so double bonus. We had to travel about 70 miles on Tuesday to a satellite office (which was absolutely fine!) but we didn't leave until almost 8 PM. It happens. Ha. I don't mind. But, last Tuesday my jaw was hurting so bad I would just cry. I started having jaw pain while I was in Hawaii and went to the dentist and was told I have TMJ and Tuesday was just it's day to show out. I was talking with one of my friends who I also work with about Hawaii and just started to get a little hopeless. I know that's where I'm called. I know that I'll get there but it was just an off day. Life has been so unbelievably fun since I moved back and some days I don't want to move back. I don't want it to be hard. I don't want to miss my family. I don't want to lose a steady income and stress about paying for a car and insurance and phone and tuition and outreach and everything else. I just don't want to some days. It's those days though, like Tuesday, where Jesus stays puts these situations in my path where he says "but Katelyn, you're ready for this."

Isn't it neat how when we fervently pray for something for so long--and then we get it, we act spoiled and entitled? Maybe that is just how I seem to approach life sometimes but I prayed about a life path being clear and I prayed for direct answers and so forth, then I get the answers and I doubt. That is so frustrating to me as a Christian. Jesus has taken care of my soul since day 1 and always in His timing and I've never lacked anything. I'm so sorry Jesus for not cultivating the trust that I should have by this point in my walk with You. I know I'm ready for the next journey and for the next season and I'm beyond ready to go.

I've had several girls emailing me this week that I felt were going through similar situations with wanting to trust more and I thought, wow, if there are 4 or 5 of us who are going through this, maybe more people need prayer. Or, maybe you simply need a nudge and a reminder that Jesus has got this--and you're ready. That can look like a lot of different things, too. Each girl gave me permission to mention their stories in hopes to encourage others. One girl I've been talking to this week realized she was ready to leave a good relationship for a great relationship with God. Her boyfriend was/is a "good" person but he doesn't love God. They've crossed lots of boundaries that she didn't want to cross and she's ready for more. She was raised in a Christian household and she knows that fulfillment (complete fulfillment) can only come from Jesus--and she's ready for that.

Another girl has been emailing me for a long time about bullying at her school. While I wasn't ever physically bullied, I did lose friends in high school and college for standing up for what I believed in. This sweet soul is in the same boat. Her "friends" aren't true friends and have been bullying her for not participating in secular things that are a) illegal and b) damaging to her reputation. And now she's ready for a fun filled life centered around Christ--whatever that looks like.

So, this week, on Tuesday after work and after praying all day, I was on the way home. Several songs from shuffle had played and I was singing along like I always do. Then, "Give Me Faith" came on shuffle. At the exact moment I received a message in relation to Hawaii that was literally the most perfectly timed message I have E V E R received. I got chill bumps putting together so many pieces in my mind about life. I had been crying sad tears at several points throughout the day and there I was sitting in my car crying happy tears. Jesus was speaking through the lyrics of that song and the worship songs that played after that one more than He has ever, ever, ever spoken to me through worship.

"Give me faith to trust what You say. That You're good and Your love is great."
That was the line that played over and over in my mind. For whatever reason, that line was shouting in my mind. The shouting proved the urgency. To have that sort of faith. Hey, girl, you're ready for this. God will continue to make a way like He always has. Don't lose the faith. Don't get tired. Don't get angry. Wake up with a thankful heart. Tell the people who you love that you love them. Pray.

Jesus, please keep renewing my faith and providing the way you always have. Thank you for being the best Father and the best friend in this sad, lonely, broken world. Thank you for not leaving me when friends did or when boys did. Thank you for the strength to trust what you say.

There is so much freedom in Jesus. I know a lot of people who aren't believers see Christianity as a bunch of rules that lead to a boring life. But, I can promise you one thing. Life with Jesus is SO much fun. It's so rewarding. It's so worth the journey. He is good.

He is good. He is good on the best Tuesdays. He is good on the bad Tuesdays. He is ALWAYS GOOD.

God doesn't want us to trust in methods. He simply wants us to trust in Him.

This is, as always, all over the place. But, I was really discouraged (then encouraged) this week. In this midst of all the fun of life, I'm reminded that--in a beautifully, molding kind of way--that I'm weak. And, apart from Jesus, I'll always be weak. But, He's good. And He tells me I'm ready for this. The next season. The next relationship. The next heartbreak. The next let down. The next open door. I'm ready for this--and it's my prayer that you'll be ready, too!


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