Thursday, December 10, 2015

just be held.

I've always loved being the person that tries to hold everything together. I love being able to "fix" problems. I've prided myself (at a cost) on "having it all together." I get it honestly, I think. My father has never once let me down or disappointed me. He has ALWAYS been there, he's always fixed everything I've ever messed up, he's always made everything easy for me. I admire that about him. I don't tell him that enough but I adore him. I've never met a man more like Jesus Christ in human form than my father. I see how much he helps people and I see how much he sincerely cares and prays and acts like Jesus to other people. And, I've always wanted others to see Jesus in me. I don't want it to ever be about Katelyn, ever. I want it to always be about Jesus.

And, while there is nothing wrong is the above expectations--it can lead you to a quick burn out if you're not getting filled up as much as you're trying to pour out. I've come to the end of the rope with several "life" things recently and I've let go of a lot of what I've needed to let go of. My hands have been burned by holding onto the rope of life things for a long time--and I got tired. And, I let go. I was browsing the top 100 songs on ITunes earlier this week and listened to a song that broke me down into a thousand pieces. I challenge you to stop reading this post and go listen to it right now. It is called "Just Be Held" by  Casting Crowns. It was like Jesus was writing me a love letter that he delivered through this band. Some of the lyrics are as follows and it brought SO much freedom:

"And when you're tired of fighting
Chained by your control
There's freedom in surrender
Lay it down and let it go
So when you're on your knees and answers seem so far away
You're not alone, stop holding on and just be held
Your world's not falling apart, it's falling into place
I'm on the throne, stop holding on and just be held
Just be held, just be held
If your eyes are on the storm
You'll wonder if I love you still
But if your eyes are on the cross
You'll know I always have and I always will"

I seriously listened to this song on loop for the entire drive home. And, I cried the whole way home. I cried good tears. Healing tears.

Lay it down, let it go.

I've lived my entire life trying to please this person or be this for another person or help this person. I don't regret a second of it but I've realized it's hard to keep giving when I don't take the appropriate time to let God love back on me some.

I am so thankful for the next season of my life. I cannot wait to get back to Hawaii and start missionary school. I'm thrilled to go the nations and preach the gospel for a few months. It should be scary. And, it is. But, I know that I know that is where I'm being called. There are so many things that are fulfilling in this life but introducing someone to Jesus Christ is THE MOST fulfilling of all. I'm forever grateful to all of you for the prayers for me as I enter this next season. I've met some amazingly gifted and talented musicians and people in the past few years who have been more than a blessing by providing funding for me to go back to school. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart for the generosity and for believing in this mission with me. My world continually falls into place and all I can do is smile big knowing God's hand is on every moment of my life--and his hand is on your life, too.

Isn't it funny how significant words can mean to us? The name of a person, the name of a town, the name of a month, of a day, of anything? How one word can hold so much meaning? Well, if so, have you ever gone a step further and pulled the word apart and looked up what it meant?

I've grown up in Montevallo, Alabama. I've learned to drive a car down these back roads. I've caught my first bass out of our family lake here. I've had fights with sisters and friends here. I've been baptized here. I've lost friends here. I've made friends here. I've loved every second of living in this town. Montevallo means 'mountains and valleys.' That's the literal definition of the word. And, that's what my life has been. That's what everyone's life is--mountains and valleys. Learning to climb the mountains has been a big part of my life. I've been blessed, no doubt, but life is hard when you try to live it for God. People leave. Friends don't like that you don't want to get drunk. Boys don't like that you don't want to sleep with them before marriage. Parent's don't understand. The valleys are hard. But, getting to the top of the mountains make the valley seasons and the climbing seasons worth every moment. I'm in a climbing season. Life is wonderful. I'm the most blessed gal in the state of Alabama--and still life is hard sometimes.

No one may need this post. But, I just wanted to remind you, whoever you are, that whatever season you're in, you are loved. You are being chased by a God who wants you to let go and just be held. Being in the arms of Jesus is the most comforting and the safest place. Trust that He knows what He is doing in your life.

If you like control like me, give it up. It won't happen in a day or a week or a month but give it up. Just be held.

:)














2 comments :

  1. My all time favorite song! Things are falling into place...indeed they are! Keeping you in my prayers.

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  2. Katelyn, I am not able to read your blog as often as I would like, but it's like when I do get to read it, it hits home with me because it is something that I needed to hear. That I am not alone in what I am going through. You are an amazing young woman and I am so proud of you. Go far like God has planned for you. Stay safe and do amazing things. I love you sweet girl.

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