Wednesday, February 17, 2016

you're enough.

   It's 10:52. All six roomies are tucked in bed and presumably sleeping. Except me. As I climbed into my (surprisingly) comfy top bunk, I'm in awe of Jesus. I'm in awe of everything He is doing in my life. I'm in awe that He cares so much that He will come and meet us in any moment, big or small, if we just LET Him. He's a good, good Father. He has so much in His hands that He's waiting for us to ask for so we can receive. That's the beautiful thing about God, He created us yet He doesn't force His love or gifts on us. It's our choice--but sweet friends, I beg you to release your white knuckled, clinched fists and take everything He has for you. Take hold of the truths, of the promises and of the life He freely gives and run after Him with everything you have.

   I am sorry I've been absent from this little realm of the Internet for so many weeks. I've sat down each weekend to type summaries of the weeks and somehow haven't been able to process through all the information in an uniform way that would even make sense on this little blog of mine. And, to be honest, I am not sure that any line of words that I am stringing together tonight will make any sense but goodness gracious His love is filling me to the brim of my entire being and all I want to do is write it down. Even if it doesn't make complete sense, I want to tell you how much Jesus is doing here--and how good He is.

   To be completely honest, I didn't think coming 5,000 miles away from home to a tiny little island in the middle of the ocean to go to missionary school was going to change me. I "knew" God. I've led worship on Sunday mornings, I taught every chance the church doors were open, I was the good girl, I had it together. Excuse me, I was wrong. God has wrecked me--in the sweetest, most gentle way possible. I don't know why it took 10,000 dollars and 6 months away from home before it could happen but oh how happy I am that it happened. I had so many lies spoken over my life that I believed for so long. I didn't even realize it. I had the right job, the right car, the right friends and connections and the right clothes. I had it together. My Bible was perfectly highlighted and I could watercolor a perfect Bible verse to post on Instagram to draw hundreds of likes. And while those aren't necessarily sins, they weren't truth. You don't have to drive a BMW or go to a private school or have a apartment on Broadway or the newest Marc Jacobs for God to meet you. If doesn't matter how many followers you have on social media. All that matters is that your heart is yearning with every beat for more of God. 

   I've been believing the lie that I have to perform for God to meet me and love me. My entire life I have been trying to perform to win approval of people. I thought I had to have the BEST everything, the highest grades, the best friends, the most popular blog--to be loved. What lies. Sweet friends, if I could just stare into your eyes and beg you to not believe such lies, I would spend the right of my days looking you in the eyes. God meets you where you are--in your high rise condo or on the streets in Kona, Hawaii. He's been using so many beautiful souls here to gently start speaking truths into my life. 

   And while gentle reminders had softened my heart, He took a sledgehammer to the concreted lies in my soul today to tell me the most beautiful truth of all--

You are enough. 

   Not me, though. I thought. You know what? Our honesty doesn't intimate or scare God. Our honesty positions our hearts for breakthrough. 

   There has been so much freedom today in speaking those words out. There's freedom in others speaking those words over me, too. I am enough. Yes, I sin daily and I desperately need a Savior but I am enough. He isn't disappointed in me trying. He's basking in my trying. The example was presented today that when a child is learning to walk and they fall down, the parent doesn't get disappointed that the child falls. No, not at all. They focus on the trying--on the one of three baby steps that the child accomplished. What a beautiful picture of how God sees us. He isn't focusing on us falling. He is championing us each baby step of the way. You're enough, you're enough, you're enough--He is whispering that with every baby step we take. 

    What a weight that has been lifted by accepting and believing that truth. There are pages and pages of notes from amazing speakers that I will try to organize into a mini blog series later of all the neat truths and blessings and lessons I've learned so far but for now, for tonight, I want you to simply know you are enough. I am enough. Three simple words that can change your life if you'll let Him. 

The Lord is so faithful. He is so forgiving and teaching and humbling. Do not believe that you have to perform one more second to be worthy of love. Do not give up when you fall down. You are worthy of every drop of love this world can give you. You are worthy enough to the Creator of the universe that He sent His son who willingly gave up His rights and ultimately His life to tell you-- you are enough.