2019: no.

I was thinking a few days before the new year about resolutions. I know that a lot of people hate them and so they don’t do them. That’s your cup of tea and that’s fine. 

I love resolutions. Every major "thing" in my life actually occurred on January 1. It was the day I moved to Hawaii, the day I moved to Nashville and the day I decided to do a lifestyle change for the better. I like new beginnings. I thrive on fresh starts. I would ask for a new sheet of paper for the essays on tests in middle school if I was using pen and messed up. I hated (& still do) scratching out things. Sometimes, I’ll even make the doctors sign their surgery orders 5 times if they mess up ;) It may just be the perfectionist in me, but hey, not always a bad thing.

I was thinking about 2018. I said "yes" to a lot of things. Mostly good, sometimes things that weren’t so beneficial to me. 

-I said "yes" to a healthier lifestyle.

-I said "yes" to days by myself at the gym.

-I said "yes" to a lot of things at work I didn’t want to. 

-I said "yes" to having uncomfortable talks with friends and coworkers and even family.

-I said "yes" to praying without ceasing when my mama got sick. 

-I said "yes" to a sacrifice that I regret.

-I said "yes" to first dates I regret.

-I said "yes" to first dates I don’t regret.

-I said "yes" to seeing a counselor (best decision yet!).

You get the picture, a whole lot of "yeses" lasts year. That made me think of a word for this year. The opposite of "yes" is "no" which is what immediately came to my mind.

I feel like we view "no" as a harsh, mean word. However, Webster defines no as this- used to indicate that something is quite the opposite of what is being specified.

Not learning to say "no" can lead to all kinds of disastrous behaviors and feelings. Feelings of low self esteem and even rages of anger come when we don’t say "no" when we should.

This year, I’m learning to say "no" which is by far the most contradictory word I’ll ever learn to use. I don’t say "no." If you ask me something, my answer will always be "yes." As selfless as I try to be, saying "no" doesn’t make me selfish, either.

I’m saying "no" to any relationship on any spectrum that asks of me things that are opposite of my morals, beliefs and even feelings. And, I’m not going to feel bad about it.

I’m saying "no" to my own body when I’m sore and feel like I’ll gain all my weight back if I skip a day at the gym. It won’t.

I’m saying "no" when offered any task or position that cannot better me as a human being.

I’m saying "no" to the self doubt I have against myself.

I’m saying "no" to someone when they ask of me something that I know I can’t deliver. 

I’m saying "no" when I’m clearly being taken advantage of.

This isn’t negative. Nothing about saying "no" in any of the above situations is wrong. 2018 seemed to be my year and in a lot of ways, it was. But, some of my "yeses" left me broken, insecure and alone. 2019, no is the way to go. For this girl at least. ;)

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